I'm on such fucking tilt right now....

there is a reason why I'm not at 400nl yet. It is cuz i'm not mentally ready for the stakes. I took some shots in the morning and it went alright. down a lil but it was pretty standard. But I was being destroyed at 200 so I went down 900....sick...

then I decided to do a night session. Sat down at 1 table of 2-4 and 2 tables of 1-2. before I could get another table of 1-2 ready. I was down 1k. down 1.5 buy ins at 2-4 and about 2 buy ins at 1-2...absolutely sick. I haven't made the jump to 400 yet because I think when things are going like they did today, I don't handle myself very well. I was absolutely steaming right then. Steamed for about 20 mins. Then came back and said to myself I'm gona play some solid poker and cut down some losses and so I did. At one point I was down.....2k for my night session. Rallied that all the way down to about -500....then some absolute coolers. Shit. I gota admit at that point it kinda just pushed me over the edge. I raise the board comes Q Q A. I bet pot this guy calls. Turn blank and I bet he c-raise me all-in..I insta call with QT and river comes a J. I was worried that it was gona be that his Q was higher than mine like AQ or KQ. but he flipped over KT, scooped the pot, and immediately left the table.....that put me on SO much tilt it wasn't even funnny

good thing I stoppped it right then. but guess what the damage is.....-$1.6k. son of a bitch, son of a god damn bitch. I think I played pretty poorly today and along with some negative variance I'm down a shit load........I'm absolutely not happy at all about how I handled myself today and this is the #1 reason why I have not moved up to 400 yet. I'm gona restrain from taking shots as I think my game still needs a lota improvement (strategy wise) and I think my mentality is definitely not strong enough to handle the swings at 2-4 yet. It doesn't matter how many buy ins I have, if my mind is not ready for it, then I'm not ready for it. I definitely think by going to 2-4 I stepped outa my comfort zone today and the results showed. I'm very comfortable playin 1-2 at this point and I'm making good money there anyway. I'm not in a huge rush to make all that much money or jump through the limits. I'm going to take it easy and only move up if I feel comfortable. At this point I think I'm going to make myself play 1-2 for the rest of Janaury and I will re-evaluate my status on Feb 1st.

El Capitan's ship totally sunk today. fuking bitches