Alright, i've still been heading south. i just dropped another 1.8k today, bringing my march total to -6.1k. played 11k hands so far. obviously i'm too happy about it. but i'm dealing with it. i'm not here to bitch about suckouts and set up hands as everyone gets em, i just want to i guess let out some of my frustration here.

this is my biggest downswing ever, in terms of dollars. before, when I manage to go on this kind of sick beats, i'd probably already been playing a ton of blackjack, or trying to get even. i think the bet with brendan is really working. i find myself not even wanting to play blackjack anymore. its just so fucking -ev. and i don'twant to play any higher stakes games cuz i kno i'm on tilt and will probably run bad anyway....i think this is a huge step for me. so i'm down 6.1k, very often, when i go donw like 2k or so, i'd go tilt at bj and a lot of the times i'd end up going down another 1k. or go tilt at 5-10 and go down a buy in etc. i think i'm saving myself quiet a bit of money by gettin rid of this habit and in the long run this will REALLY help my winrate....

come to think of it, my winrate, even after this ridiculous downswing (which might not be over yet), is still at 3.2ptbb. although it is not somethin i'm very proud of, but some people struggle to even maintain a 3.2 even when their cards are ok. so i guess in a sense i'm still pretty happy since 3.2 is still respectable but its the figure thats after my huge downswing, which means if i get my heater i'll be back to 4.5, or 5 very easily.

imo, this is the kind of stretch that breaks of makes a great player. this stretch has been so tough and frustrating its unbelievable but i think i'm taking it pretty well. obviously i'm pissed n all that but i think i'm taking this better than the majority of the players. i'm not gona be happy about that because i want to take it better than ALL the players not just the majority. i did tilt like 1-2 buy ins away so despite the improvement, i'm still looking to get better. call me a perfectionist if you want

i just want to be a great player one day. living in bellagio, playing online during the day, and playing the live games at night. its not a dream anymore, its something i want and its something that i'm going to strive to do, no matter how long and hard it may take. i started off just wanting to make some extra cash, but i really think i can make it big. i'm not gona settle for beating the 3-6 nl games online making like 30k a month. i'm gona eventualy become a regular at the 200/400 game on full tilt and make like 500k a month.

i feel like currently i'm playing some of the best poker of my life but the results just aren't there. i dont' want to bitch about the results beucase i know i'm playing well. if thats true, it will turn around sooner or later. i'd really hate to have a losing month but if this is what its going to be then i have to take it. and i have a feeling that some of my students are startin to feel that maybe i'm not so good as they thought i was and maybe my numbers were luckboxed before.....well i dont' really want to say anything more about that because i know and everyone knows what kind of player i am, if you really think i'm not worth the money then by all means tell me and i'll replace you with someone else who is trying to get in. keep in mind my waitin list is 25 ppl so if you feel like i'm not worth your money then please leave, that is all

also. this is why i advocate so many buy ins. i had 120 buy ins for 400 and now i've lost 15 of it. from my graph it looks like a tiny dip and psychologically maybe it is why i'm taking this so well cuz going down 6k is bad, but definitely not even close to destroying my roll. i still have about 44k of bankroll so this allows me to keep playing 400 and not having to drop down.....think about this and tell me if you still think 20-30 buy ins are enough. i gota tell ya, 15 buy in downswings WILL happen to EVERYONE. so if you are workin a short roll, i recommend u rethink about it